WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU'VE BEEN SERVED WITH DIVORCE PAPERS

What do you do if you've been served with divorce paper?

1. Contact a local family law attorney immediately

In essence your spouse is suing you, so you MUST take getting served with a petition for dissolution very seriously. It’s imperative that you seek help to learn your obligations and rights under Missouri law, and how you should proceed.

In Missouri divorce filings, you must respond with a notarized answer to the petition for dissolution of marriage within 30 days after you are served. In the answer, you must admit or deny each allegation made and include all of the information specifically required by Missouri Statute 452.310.5 RSMo. 

Failing to respond to a petition for dissolution can have severe consequences and your spouse could be awarded a default judgment, giving her everything she wants. This is why it is imperative to hire an experienced family law attorney who is familiar with the local courts.

2. Do not panic.

While a divorce is typically one of the difficult experiences one will face in life, you will get through it. Emotional decision-making often results in the wrong decisions being made, so it is imperative you talk with an attorney before you do anything with regard to the divorce.

3. Do not withhold your children from your spouse.  

One of the factors used by Missouri courts when making child custody decisions is each parent’s willingness to allow the children to have a meaningful relationship with the other parent.  Thus if you withhold visitation, you are already hurting your case and potentially your ability to spend time with your children.

If you have good reason to withhold your children from your spouse, such as when there is abuse or domestic violence, you should talk with your lawyer about how to proceed. If you do not have an attorney, you can go to your county courthouse and file a petition for an order of protection to protect you and/or your children from the abusive spouse.

In the absence of an order of protection, you must allow your spouse to see the children, as you have no legal right to withhold them.

4. Do not fight your ex using the children. 

Your children are already traumatized by the demise of their family, and being involved in adult disputes is not mentally healthy for the children involved.  It is very damaging to a child when they are made to feel they must choose one parent or the other.

Make sure all conversations with your spouse are done in private where the children are not present. Never demean or belittle your spouse in front of your children. Judges do not look favorably on this type of behavior.

 5.   AVOID ANY BEHAVIOR THAT COULD POTENTIALLY HARM YOUR CASE.   

Stay out domestic disputes. Unfortunately, in domestic disputes, the man ends up usually getting the short end of the stick if law enforcement gets involved.  If your spouse is trying to start a fight, simply pull out your phone and record her.  Women love to get orders of protection against their husbands during a divorce, don’t fall into this trap. Orders of Protection put the husband at a disadvantage in the divorce process.

Avoid legal trouble.  Criminal trouble can cause adverse consequences in your divorce.  Charges involving violence can even potentially affect child custody.

Avoid drugs and alcohol.  Courts look unfavorably when parents engage in substance abuse, especially when kids are present and witness the unsavory behavior. Furthermore, intoxication adds emotional fuel to any domestic conflict, affecting one’s judgment and often leads to unwanted consequences.

Avoid social media during the pendency of the divorce. You should assume your spouse’s attorney will review your social media and use anything they find against you.  It’s best to avoid all social media use, but if you must post, avoid any vulgar language, images of intoxicated behavior, or anything inappropriate.  Set all of your profiles to private.

Don’t start any new relationships until you are divorce. Yes, technically you can date once you are separated from your wife, but it isn’t recommended.  First, you need to heal from the end of the marriage emotionally, and if children are involved it’s best to focus on them. Under no circumstances should you introduce your children to a new significant other while you are not yet divorced.

At the Men's Center for Domestic Resolution in Pleasant Hill, Missouri our mission is to help men through divorce and child custody cases. Contact us on our website,

www.kcmensdivorce.com to set call with attorney Robert Davis.